Berlin: Then and Now

Then and now photo collages are all the rage these days. They're remarkably eerie and affecting, especially ones of Berlin. Considering the peace and calm of the locations today, it's hard to believe they were the site of such horrific violence just seventy years ago.

You can see some good mash-ups here, here, and here. And creepy ones of the Altes here. They've done a really good job of matching the angles.

I thought I'd add a few to the online collection. So here are my attempts, matching my travel photos with ones plucked out of history:

The Reichstag, during winter 1945 and spring 2015

Soviet troops storm the Reichstag in 1945. Merged with the idyll of 2015.

The Dome Cathedral, from across the Lustgarten

A mess in front of the Reichstag

Looking at the Altes Museum

Sunset assault

Tooling around the Lustgarten with artillery

The brand new iCar!

I wrote this little skit before I heard that Apple really IS developing a car. So hard to do satire.

INT. APPLE CAR DEALERSHIP

A SALESGUY meets TED, an eager customer.

SALESGUY

Come on into the show room, Ted. Ready?

TED

Am I!

SALESGUY

Here it is: The iCar! Apple’s first automobile.

TED

Wow! Sleek! Very cool.

SALESGUY

Six years in development. Focused on the customer experience every step of the way. Go on. Touch it.

TED

It’s… like touching air.

SALESGUY

Frictionless surface. Designed to cut through air like a shark slices through water… Self-cleaning surfaces. Adaptive all-weather tires. It can hit 300 KPH in sixty seconds and runs on salt water. Want to take it for a spin?

TED

Yeah! Uh… where… where’s the door handle?

SALESGUY

I know, right? Removed those unsightly things. Door’s hydraulic.

TED

Where’s the release?

SALESGUY

That’s the best part. You’ll never guess!

TED

I give.

SALESGUY

Under the car!

Ted gets on his hands and knees and looks under car. Reaches. 

SALESGUY (CONT’D)

Reach… no, further under. If you get on your back, you can… stretch. Up more. There! You got it. Hop in.

TED

Did the seat just shift?

SALESGUY

Smart materials. Press the start button.

TED

So quiet! Can hardly hear the engine. And the dash… so minimal.

SALESGUY

Embedded digital displays. 

TED

Radio? CD Player?

SALESGUY

Better: it has the complete U2 collection. And auto downloads all their new songs. For free.

TED

But I hate U2.

SALESGUY

No, you don’t.

TED

Yes. I do.

SALESGUY

I don’t think so. Move your arms.

TED

I can’t! 

SALESGUY

Pull hard. It’s Ultra Grip Velcro. No more sloppy seat belts.

TED

Hey… there’s only one pedal…

SALESGUY

Streamlined design. Tap once for gas, twice for brakes.

TED

There’s no speedometer!

SALESGUY

Ted, if you’re going too fast, the police will tell you. That’s what they’re for. 

TED

I guess… I…

SALESGUY

Which reminds me. You’ll need to upgrade your license.

TED

What? Why?

SALESGUY

Evolution of driving. You don’t want to fall behind, like the dinosaurs and the baby boomers, do you?

TED

No. God no. Of course not.

SALESGUY

Great! We’ll be updating the interface every six months. Here’s a brochure.

TED

Thanks.

SALESGUY

Think of it, Ted: you’ll be the envy of all your neighbours. And let me tell you, Ted: the ladies LOVE this car.

TED

Yeah… Aw, heck, I’ll take it!

SALESGUY

Perfect. Sign this User Agreement form and I’ll get the billing going… What are you doing?

TED

Reading it.

SALESGUY

Don’t bother. We reserve the right to update the terms retroactively at any time without informing you.

TED

Oh. I see.

(signs)

SALESGUY

Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a brand new iCAR!

TED

Yes! Comes with Apple Care, right?

SALESGUY

Absolutely Ted. You’re covered until the iCAR II comes out. We only keep parts for current products, you understand.

TED

Oh. When’s the next model coming out?

SALESGUY

(checks watch)

Wednesday. You passed the line up for it when you came in.

Going, going, gone.

From The Slow Death of the American Newsroom.

Kind of puts all those 'rah-rah-the-press-is-doing-super-awesome' articles in perspective.

Spectrum 22 Awards: Silver/Gold Nomination

A poster for the Rebel Angels comic has been nominated for a silver/gold award at this year's Spectrum Awards. This is a mucho big honour.

I mean, like, uh, wow.

Check out all the nominees.

I am Charlie

David Hockney on why art has become 'less'

Hockney claims galleries and museums have focused too much on conceptual art, and he blames the camera, film and television for making artists give up on figurative art.

See the rest of the article here.

The retro work of Frederico Babina

Check out more of his Archi(tectural) illustrations.

Buildings as texture.

This is so cool.

Visual Effects Magic: Before and After

Even better than weight loss comparisons are before and after visual effects shots. Of course, weight loss might also just be VFX.

These have been culled from around the internet. Plenty to chose from. Great selections can be found here, here, and here, for starters.

I wanted to assemble a bunch in one spot.

I've always found movie magic fascinating. It's astonishing how little is real, and it must be a strain for some actors. A vivid imagination and a child like sense of play will be essential for actors in the future.

Think of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Angelina Jolie and Jude Law excelled when planted in CGI environments, but Paltrow struggled. She's great opposite real people, but against imaginary elements, she wasn't convincing. At least in that early go around. She's better in Iron Man.

The opening sequence from The Walking Dead. The guy isn't even on a highway.

I'd expected much of Gravity to be CGI, but honestly, I thought she'd at least have a full spacesuit, even if sans face plate. The helmet isn't real, and neither, it seems, is the rest of her suit.

Of course, you expect a lot of fantasy films to be CGI. And they are. From Lord of the Rings to Game of Thrones, most of it ain't real. It's (green screen) magic:

Same goes for sci-fi:

But so is most of The Great Gatsby:

Period pieces like Boardwalk Empire also indulge in a good deal of digital fakery:

It makes dangerous stunts much easier to pull off:

And weird creatures become possible:

Although the blue stuffed toy gives The Life of Pi an even more interesting psychological twist, as a descent into madness.

Most of the shots are of vast, outlandish vistas. Yet some are mundane, and you'd never guess they were effects shots. These days, it's more economical to do CGI than go on location. Partial sets filled out by CGI are the order of the day. 

I'd never have guessed he wasn't even wearing a super suit. They're performing in their pajamas. Marlon Brando would have loved this.

Bored Panda, Design Taxi, Business Insider, and Yellow Trace have lots of pics. Find more here, here, here, here, and here.

Review: Only Lovers Left Alive

A plotless drama that focuses on characters but doesn't include any not made of cardboard, Only Lovers Left Alive is one of the most excruciatingly painful cinematic experiences ever created. 

An assault on consciousness itself, it manages to feel like a ten hour plane flight in only two hours and three minutes. 

Presumably written over a drug and alcohol fueled evening by two narcissistic goths who imagine themselves to be real vampires (OMG), it's pretentious beyond comprehension, filled with pointless references, limp humour and events that lead absolutely nowhere. 

It's pure anti-drama.

Now, that may be your cup of tea, in which case this film is for you. Critics, for example, love it. Audiences love it. Indeed, Only Lovers Left Alive sits at 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's an impressive achievement.

Me? I wanted to chew my right leg off.

I'm here to offer a contrarian view, as I disliked this film more than anything since the unendurably tedious Cosmopolis. This may be the only negative review of this picture in existence, and I only offer my views to offer succor to those whose consciousness was mauled by this cinematic abomination: You are not alone. Indeed, I feel your pain. We are the true outliers. People who do not fit in with the beguiled zombie masses.

In the film, Tom Hiddleston plays Adam, a droll, suicidal vampire musician who likes guitars. That's it. That's the totality of his character. His even more uninteresting wife, Eve, is played by Tilda Swinton. Her sole saving grace is that she's played by Tilda Swinton, who's totally awesome. But she's given less than nothing to work with. 

Adam lives in the ruins of Detroit, while Eve resides in Tangiers for some reason. She hangs out with Christopher Marlowe, played by the wonderful John Hurt. It's like casting a god to play an ant. Sensing that Adam is feeling glum, Eve sets off (on a night flight, naturally) to rescue her lover's waning spirit. 

In the meantime, Adam visits Dr. Watson at a local hospital, from whom he illegally buys blood. The scene sits on the cusp of wit, but never quite reaches it. The director's restraint is perplexing. He seems to be deliberately avoiding anything that could be construed as entertaining.

After Eve arrives, so does her party hearty sister, Ava. They visit a local dive bar accompanied by Adam's Renfield, Ian, a musician. He borders on likable. Their bar foray leads to the one real incident in the film, which occurs at least half-way through. 

That's right: we cool. We wear our sunglasses at night.

Long, boring scene follows long, boring scene. Tedious reference is piled upon tedious reference. Latin names are invoked. Humour could have floated the whole enterprise, but it is barely present. 

There are some interesting ideas here. Vampirism as addiction, for example. But nothing is done with the idea. 

If I'd had a cross at the screening, I would have stood up and tried to send this film back to the depths of hell from whence it came.

Sorry, cool kids. It was just not my cup of tea.