Thursday 14 May 2015

W.R.A.I.T.H.

VON BLOFF
Welcome, gentlemen, to W.R.A.I.T.H. Our mission…

DELIVERY GUY
Dominos! You, lessee, Mr. Von Blof?

VON BLOFF
You aren't allowed in here. This is a top secret organization, dedicated to terror, extortion, blackmail…

DELIVERY GUY
…and you owe $34.95.

VON BLOFF
$34.95? That's outrageous. 

DELIVERY GUY
No money, no pizza.

Von Bloff turns to his seated subordinates.

VON BLOFF
Gentlemen: which one of you is behind this juvenile little prank? 

Delivery Guy notices fish tank behind Von Bloff's chair.

DELIVERY GUY
Hey, is that a pufferfish ya got in there?

VON BLOFF
What? Ja, ja. An extremely rare breed: the leaping Tetradonitadae Malificus. One touch means death. In excruciating--

DELIVERY GUY
They're cute. I got four at home.

VON BLOFF
Preposterous. I paid ten thousand pounds each for these. Half the expedition died in the Amazon--

DELIVERY GUY
Dude, you wuz robbed. They had them on discount at Pet Value. Hey, there lil’ fella. Coochee coochee coo!

VON BLOFF
Wha-what are you doing? Don't touch them!

DELIVERY GUY
It’s okay. Only the spines are dangerous.

Delivery guy pulls out deadly fish and strokes it.

VON BLOFF
Put it back. Give me that fish!

Von Bloff grabs at fish.

DELIVERY GUY
Hey, watch it.

A spine pierces Von Bloff's finger.

VON BLOFF
Ow! Schiesse. You dumbkopf!

DELIVERY GUY
Oh, dude. You’re turning purple. 

VON BLOFF
The pain… is excruciating.

DELIVERY GUY
Man. I better call my wife, throw those fish out.

VON BLOFF
You… idiot. Unnnh!

DELIVERY GUY
Wait! Don’t die. You owe me thirty-five bucks!

VON BLOFF
Yes. Stiffing you shall be… my revenge…

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