Monday 11 May 2015

Heist Skit

MARTY
Is this legal?

CECIL
Course it is. Now shut up.

MARTY
Why are we wearing masks then?

CECIL
I value my privacy. Hand me the blowtorch.

MARTY
You never told mom you owned a bank.

CECIL
I don’t talk to mom anymore.

MARTY
She always said you were a real loser.

CECIL
Uh huh.

MARTY
She said you’d never amount to anything.

CECIL
Take this. Lemme pull the bars off.

MARTY
She said you’d wind up being somebody’s bitch in prison.

CECIL
This is why I don’t talk to mom. Give me the code cracker. Box with all the buttons on it.

MARTY
OK. It’s her birthday next week.

CECIL
Here we go.

MARTY
Why don’t you have a key?

CECIL
Told you. I lost it.

MARTY
But…

CECIL
And i forgot the combination and passwords.

MARTY
That seems kinda irresponsible, Cecil.

CECIL
DO you have any idea how many passwords I have?

MARTY
I have two.

CECIL
Ha! More than that. Just a few more seconds.

MARTY
Three?

CECIL
97. Yes! Gimme a hand. Push.

MARTY
Wow. This is a really big vault.

CECIL
Start filling your bags. Put’em on the cart, yeah? 

MARTY
Look at all the money and gold an’ shiny stuff.

CECIL
Less gawking, more stuffing.

MARTY
Can I give this gold watch to mom?

CECIL
No. No gifts for mom!

MARTY
She likes watches.

CECI
So? She never got me anything for my birthday.

MARTY
She got you socks.

CECIL
Socks don’t count. 

MARTY
We should get her something.

CECIL
No. Okay. Fine. You wanna give her something? She can have the damn blowtorch.

MARTY
Aw, c’mon, Cecil. You know they won’t let her have a blowtorch in prison.

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